Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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