I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
