It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
