It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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