Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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