i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
