I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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