Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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