garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
