Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
