I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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