i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im holly from the hills drunk
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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