So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
