im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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