I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
