I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
