There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
