i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
