i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
