If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
