What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
