white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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