I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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