; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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