I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
