It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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