Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
