how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
