Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
