She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
