They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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