When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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