Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
