NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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