got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
