it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
