Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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