At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
