if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
