I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
