one might say we're banned from that church
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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