all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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