He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
