Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
