Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
