dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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