i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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