The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
we should paint friendship bongs
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