I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
