One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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