I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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